Wednesday, April 14, 2010

dear bloggy friends... I need a kick in the butt... or a pep talk....

Lately I have found myself stuck in a rut.   Today was a particularly hard day, unpaid bills are piling up, we are running out of necessities, and I really had thought that my husband would have found work by the time Ollie gets here, but still no work, and my due date is just around the corner.  I am discouraged, and I have been for a long time.  I am so discouraged and tired from worry and stress, that I don't even do the things I usually enjoy doing.  I used to do so much more baking and sewing, and have more outdoorsy adventures with my littles.  Now I am always in such a down in the dumps frumpy state, that it is a miracle just getting through the day.  I still bake cookies and sew for my kids, and we do fun stuff outside, but it is different...  I have lost my cheerfulness and optimism and spunk.  My life is not what I want it to be, I have so many dreams that may never be realized, the 12 kids I dream of having, may all just be a fantasy, I can't even afford to diaper or clothe the ones I have.  There are far too many things about my life that I can't  control or change, but I need to focus on what I can, I need to get my optimism and spunk back. I need to be all sunshine and chocolate chip cookies, no matter how crappy the reality is.  My babies need that, I need that.  So bloggy friends.... I need some words of encouragement.... I need a kick in the butt to jumpstart me to be that spunky sunshiny gal that I used to be.  I need some oomph and fire under my feet to smile and make the best of things.  I guess I need some pep talks and a boost to help me do the impossible in an impossible situation.   All though I know nothing will be different tomorrow, the bills and stress and worry will be right here waiting for me tomorrow morning when I wake up, I need to make my day different.  So I am going to do my best... tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow I am taking my boys out with a friend to a strawberry patch and then to the beach.  I am going with a realistic expectation of the day, it will not be the peaceful day that I see in pictures on other people's blogs.  My rowdy boys will run rampant through the rows of strawberries, I will yell and waddle after them, and they will not listen.  They will eat more strawberries than they put in their bucket, and will most likely make a very large mess and fight me wildly when it is time to get in the car.  There will be sand throwing and fighting and naughty behavior at the beach.  I will waddle after them and do my best to discipline them, but will not be successful.  But tomorrow, I will remain CALM.  Tomorrow I will work hard to get some of my sunshine back, and no matter how unruly my boys are, we will make a happy memory tomorrow.  I am fighting to get my sunshine back... tomorrow is a new day.....


  1. Ashley! I am right there with you. It is not always rainbows and butterflies. It is the difficult times that force us to appreciate the wonderful times more. It is hard to appreciate the view from the mountain top if we were never trapped in the valley. I know the financial devastation you are feeling all too well. It is so HARD!!! God has greatness for you, and I will continue to pray for you and your family. You are doing the right thing, get out there and make those memories with your little ones. Someday you will look back on these days as the best ever! The financial woes will fade and all that will be left is the memories you have of the adventures with the boys (and yes we seem to forget how truly unruly they are LOL!) Keep your chin up girl! You are a fantastic MOMMA!

  2. Hi Sweetie...all things are possible with God....I know you know that...but,if you are like me ..sometimes it is good to be in there...God is in the miracle making business and I believe there is one in the making for you....I often sing "One Day at a Time" in church and that song has become my testimony over the you say tomorrow is a new day.....that miracle could be just around the next bend.....enjoy your day with your little ones....these years of wee ones is challenging for sure but,they are just preparing you for the day when those sweet little babies will be Big overgrown half boy...half men...TEENAGERS...that fact will afford you some challenges like you never dreamed....just speaking from
    What will be ...will be and God is there with you every single step....I pray that Job will come very day you will look back on these years and see just how much the hand of God extended to you and kept you...through it are doing well to focus on the things you can change instead of those things you can't...pray the Serenity will help you so much...if you don't know it...I have it posted on the right side of my my has been a huge blessing to me...blessings to your little family.....

  3. Oh dear. What a rough stretch for you. I wish I could make it all better, but I know I can't.

    Without going into too much detail, our family had a really rough patch about a year and a half ago. We have a very disabled child with lots of medical issues. Life got rough. My husband and I grew somewhat distant as we struggled with our grief and stress, money was worrisome, the dreams I had for my children and family got trashed (i.e. it is hard to go camping as a family when you can't plug the darn feeding tube into a tree!), God felt distant. Life just plain (pardon the language) sucked.

    What made it better? Because it DID get better. My husband and I worked with a grief counsellor. We decided to let go of some of our worries about money and trust in God and each other. We spent a bit of time and energy redefining our dreams and what "normal" was for our family. Our family looks different than the mainstream and is different than what we dreamed. But it is our family and it works for us! Life often asks us to re-jig our girlish plans. Not always a bad thing if we just remain open and hopeful.... Most of all I needed to understand that I need to be happy with where I am and what God has given me. It isn't always easy but I have learned that when I relax and let go amazing things happen. Support pops out when I need it. Things come together.

    It doesn't mean that it isn't hard and scary and exhausting. Life will always have those challenges. But I do know that with God and all the amazing people He has planted in my life things tend to come together.

    I love your blog. I am not a real blog follower but I always pop by once a week to check yours. As the mom of three boys I am about nine years ahead of you on the journey (my youngest is 9).

    My advice? I don't think I have any that you don't already know yourself. Hang in there. Trust God. Have hope. Take care of yourself (very hard to do with young ones). Do things that make you feel good. ASK FOR HELP (also very hard to do). ACCEPT HELP WHEN OFFERED (this was the hardest for me to accept!). Learn that our burdens are meant to be shared and that community is very important! Enjoy your boys, but accept that some days you will get frazzled and that does NOT mean you are a bad mother...JUST HUMAN, which is how God created us!

    Thinking and praying for you.


  4. PS - Please know that I find your blog one of the sunniest and most inspiring places to visit. I am probably 20 years older than you and have a very different life but you always inspire me to look for sunshine and joy even amidst difficult times. I think that is why I appreciate when you share parts of your difficult journey. It would be easy to fall into the trap of believing you lived this charmed, fairy tale life. But you don't and you are honest about that. That is your strength! You share about how you constantly fight for, and actively seek your fairy tale even when it seems elusive, or even downright impossible.

    I find you very inspiring. I hope you keep this blog running. I like hearing about your life.

    I do genuinely hope that things get better and that the fairy tale happens for you!

    Daisy (again....hmmm, long winded today!).

  5. Hey Girl! Chin up!! You don't need a kick in the butt, you are...wait for it...Normal!! Everyone, no matter their financial place in life has periods of down in the dumps! Everyone has unrealized dreams and unmet expectations. Don't feel bad for those feelings, they are normal feelings to have. And furthermore, it's hard to be on the sunny side when you are extremely pregnant, feeling frumpy, hormones all out of whack...give it some time... the real you, the sunny you will come back. In the mean time, count your blessings and be thankful for the good things you have been given and that you have acheived! XO, XO!

  6. I am and quite often thinking of you. Loves.

  7. I just found your blog today and already love it!
    You got so much good advice here so I just wanted to say I feel for you and we all have very dark seasons of's a great idea you have there to go out and do fun things with your boys to take your mind off of things and be refreshed and gain new perspective!! That always helps me too!!